Happiness is...

I work with a wide range of people. Waiters ages range from 18 to 55. This extreme age group gap really adds perspective into the picture. Listening to the staff is fascinating in so many ways. 70 or so waiters work together on a weekly basis. 70 personalities working for one machine that is powered by the Casino. The Casino is KING- we'll come back to that.

The staff flock together through age groups/genders/interests. We cling to each other for company and talk to keep sane after the long hours that come with the job. Just recently I became friends with CHAD.

Whos CHAD?
CHAD has worked at the casino for nearly 20 years. Mid 40's-playa with 3 younger kids and a step wife. The older ladies drool over him, although I don't see it through our age barrier.
Ive worked with him for three years. He once told me he was addicted to picking up buckets when he see's them on the side of the street. WHO EVER SEE'S A BUCKET ON THE SIDE OF THE STREET? Not me.

Anyways, I recently found out that CHAD lives just down the road from my house. Which is handy since we both enjoy a few drinks and a smoke or two, with some friends. Thats how we got talking.

I was invited to his house for a bonfire with some friends on Friday. The place spoke for itself- practical, snug and the part-time haven for his kids.

It was like being in a time capsule. Staring at the swings that hung from tall tree's in his garden reminded me a lot of my childhood. He even had out marshmellows to make smors and showed us his shed that according to his son, is for men only.

I constantly think about my childhood and how awesome my parents really are. My childhood was nothing short of ANYTHING.

So lately at work CHAD tells me about his children and the funny stuff they do/ the problems he has with them. He's stories are ALWAYS light hearted and positive despite the seriousness of the issue. ALWAYS.

Today a South African snobby customer was in CHADS section. We were discussing how people brag about money or treat staff poorly because they believe they are more important. In reality i think its disgusting how some people target staff with their personal issues.

Then CHAD said something and it stuck. He said 'Wealth is cheap and easily accessible, but achieveing true happiness is the hardest thing of all.' Therefore we should put MORE work into achieving self-worth and happiness because in the end what good is all that money if INTERNALLY we are still UNHAPPY?

**

I often believe that life has a plan, yes ok I'll say it- GOD has a plan. I don't like to play the god hand out loud because its taken out of context, but mostly because my belief has nothing to do with anyone.
So when something happens, anything, I like to think what good came of it and how we got to this point.

POSITIVITY.
Ive never had troubles with being positive but things have changed this year and I don't know why. I spend all day trying to understand myself and other people and I feel so distant and despite having many friends, I feel lonely.

I feel like I have been prepared for money issues/career paths/ any of the basic changes that come out of high school. What I am not prepared for is unhappiness. Sure I've been unhappy to a degree but I've always loved my life and I love achieving new things.

This feeling I have is so difficult to explain. I want to explain it because I wish somebody had told me how this felt and what I should do. Do I have depression/anger issues? I don't know but I believe this sudden change has come from living a life in an extreme boring routine. My day: WORK. EAT. WORK.GO HOME. FEED CAT. FEED MYSELF. SMOKE WEED. SMOKE MORE WEED. SLEEP. DREAM ABOUT WORK. ffs.

Im breaking this routine soon, but right now soon seems so far and everyday is hard to keep happy. At work being unhappy seems common, but in the real world people can only handle so much negativity and they push away. I don't want to push people away from me, I just need to sort myself out for now.

As soon as i break this routine, the closer I am to happiness and a successful future.