Happiness is...

I work with a wide range of people. Waiters ages range from 18 to 55. This extreme age group gap really adds perspective into the picture. Listening to the staff is fascinating in so many ways. 70 or so waiters work together on a weekly basis. 70 personalities working for one machine that is powered by the Casino. The Casino is KING- we'll come back to that.

The staff flock together through age groups/genders/interests. We cling to each other for company and talk to keep sane after the long hours that come with the job. Just recently I became friends with CHAD.

Whos CHAD?
CHAD has worked at the casino for nearly 20 years. Mid 40's-playa with 3 younger kids and a step wife. The older ladies drool over him, although I don't see it through our age barrier.
Ive worked with him for three years. He once told me he was addicted to picking up buckets when he see's them on the side of the street. WHO EVER SEE'S A BUCKET ON THE SIDE OF THE STREET? Not me.

Anyways, I recently found out that CHAD lives just down the road from my house. Which is handy since we both enjoy a few drinks and a smoke or two, with some friends. Thats how we got talking.

I was invited to his house for a bonfire with some friends on Friday. The place spoke for itself- practical, snug and the part-time haven for his kids.

It was like being in a time capsule. Staring at the swings that hung from tall tree's in his garden reminded me a lot of my childhood. He even had out marshmellows to make smors and showed us his shed that according to his son, is for men only.

I constantly think about my childhood and how awesome my parents really are. My childhood was nothing short of ANYTHING.

So lately at work CHAD tells me about his children and the funny stuff they do/ the problems he has with them. He's stories are ALWAYS light hearted and positive despite the seriousness of the issue. ALWAYS.

Today a South African snobby customer was in CHADS section. We were discussing how people brag about money or treat staff poorly because they believe they are more important. In reality i think its disgusting how some people target staff with their personal issues.

Then CHAD said something and it stuck. He said 'Wealth is cheap and easily accessible, but achieveing true happiness is the hardest thing of all.' Therefore we should put MORE work into achieving self-worth and happiness because in the end what good is all that money if INTERNALLY we are still UNHAPPY?

**

I often believe that life has a plan, yes ok I'll say it- GOD has a plan. I don't like to play the god hand out loud because its taken out of context, but mostly because my belief has nothing to do with anyone.
So when something happens, anything, I like to think what good came of it and how we got to this point.

POSITIVITY.
Ive never had troubles with being positive but things have changed this year and I don't know why. I spend all day trying to understand myself and other people and I feel so distant and despite having many friends, I feel lonely.

I feel like I have been prepared for money issues/career paths/ any of the basic changes that come out of high school. What I am not prepared for is unhappiness. Sure I've been unhappy to a degree but I've always loved my life and I love achieving new things.

This feeling I have is so difficult to explain. I want to explain it because I wish somebody had told me how this felt and what I should do. Do I have depression/anger issues? I don't know but I believe this sudden change has come from living a life in an extreme boring routine. My day: WORK. EAT. WORK.GO HOME. FEED CAT. FEED MYSELF. SMOKE WEED. SMOKE MORE WEED. SLEEP. DREAM ABOUT WORK. ffs.

Im breaking this routine soon, but right now soon seems so far and everyday is hard to keep happy. At work being unhappy seems common, but in the real world people can only handle so much negativity and they push away. I don't want to push people away from me, I just need to sort myself out for now.

As soon as i break this routine, the closer I am to happiness and a successful future.

Join the Dots

I feel like I'm standing in the centre of a revolving door but I'm still and my surroundings are rotating around me; a girl standing with her forehead against the glass, her face surrounded by untamed red hair, and staring at you right in front of your face- past her deep green eyes- her pale-pearl skin highlights 22 freckles...

I've had this urge to sit down and write for months, but dam has it been hard to get started. What do I write about? There is so much to say. A thousand blogs would not be enough if it was all categorized. This is an informal blog about the amazing thing called life. LIVES. Not only mine but the amazing people I meet that add perspective to this massive organism we call EARTH.

I work in a Casino serving coffee and food to thousands of customers each day. The most interesting part of being a waitress happens at the table. There I stand with a notebook and pen in hand waiting for the table that said 'They were ready to order' who are now over looking the menu and taking their... how do i say it? SWEET ASS TIME.'

Food choices say a lot about a person- 'how would you like your eggs done?' 'steak cooked?' 'Chilli on that one?' 'Chicken or beef?'- we know allergies, baby problems,  ' not to mention their ordering manner, price of items, the way they interact with their guests- bosses, dates, married couples, young mothers, sick elderly, poor elderly, grumpy elderly and extremely slow on a walker elderly. Lets just say, the majority of customers are well...elderly. Its hard sometimes.

Theres the locals who seat themselves, barely speak, most commonly moan and expect all staff know what they are having.Mostly they seem stuck in a routine that is overshadowed by lonliness. A simple activity like visiting the casino becomes the highlight of their day and everything revolves around it. In our restaurant we are constantly reminded that the Casino is KING and we are but a parasite leaching off the wealth from machines and table games.

-my thoughts-